no, he came in my armpit
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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