I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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