I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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