Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
