I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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