we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
where are my eyebrows?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
