Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
