So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
