NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
