are you so shy because you have an std?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
