I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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