Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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