hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
