Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
