you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
