Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
