im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
