You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
