she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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