all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
