If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
