rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
