Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
