You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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