I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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