Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
