Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
