I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
