Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
