also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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