Don't make out with my wife yet
Small penises have feelings too.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
