You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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