lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
