I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
