I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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