YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
