I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
