Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
