I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
