she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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