I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
