it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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