I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
