You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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