bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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