Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
