i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
