Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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