I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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