the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
