I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
