Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
