it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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