If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
