Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
